People occupy particular positions in our lives, they help us meet certain needs, and to an extent give us a sense of fulfillment. Our relationships with others are what make life so exhilarating, dynamic, and not to be cliché, worth living. What happens though when they are gone, and that relationship is severed? They leave a void.
“At first I felt dizzy - not with the kind of dizziness that makes the body reel but the kind that's like a dead emptiness in the brain, an instinctive awareness of the void.” - Fernando Pessoa
The voids left by those we love who have left our lives can range in magnitude, but they are still felt nonetheless. This void may be felt when you go to a certain restaurant you used to frequent with them, and realize that those moments will be no more. It may be felt on a Friday night when you used to have sleepovers with them and fall asleep with their arm draped lovingly around your waist and their head nestled into your neck. It could be felt when you see an article online that you know they'd love, but realize you can't share it. This void is felt, in big moments and little moments, and that's okay.
It is okay to wander through the space left by their absence, and miss their presence. It's normal to cry while traversing this void and reflecting on all the moments they touched, and realizing that they won't be touching future moments. It's also normal to feel numb to it all, not fully comprehending that they are gone yet. Whatever you may be feeling, it is normal.
Regardless of whether or not you want to feel their absence, you will. It's important to feel it and reflect on it. In reflect you may learn, and the knowledge you gain may help you feel as if this loss had some bigger meaning than just the sadness, heartbreak, and confusion it brought. Oftentimes if we can find the "bigger picture" or the "life lesson" out of a situation, it helps us to make sense of it and rationalize why it happened. It also helps us work through whatever we may be feeling. In other situations, you may just have to accept they are gone but cherish the fact you were able to have them in your life for the moments you did. They had lessons to teach you, and you learned them. They had love to give you, and you received it. Regardless of how you come to acknowledge and understand this void, it is a process and oftentimes, a difficult one. Some days you may feel their absence more than others, and again, that is okay. Most importantly though, you will be okay.
I still feel the void of my ex-boyfriend. The void he left was vast and immensely painful. I've wandered through it, sat in it, and ran in circles inside it trying to make sense of all that happened. I've screamed in it, cried in it, and stood in silence just staring at all that was left in his wake. The void doesn't provide any answers, only painful memories and moments that won't ever happen. I have to learn to live outside this void, and not allow my days to be colored by what "could have been" but instead "what can be". I have to learn to accept that aspects of my life are changed, but that doesn't mean they are over. I may feel a void now, but that doesn't mean I have to feel it forever.
Though you may walk through this void, you don't want to get stuck in it. Acknowledge its presence, feel it, make sense of it, and fill it. Fill it with those you love, those who are still there for you and supporting you, new friends, old friends you haven't spoken to in awhile, and most importantly yourself. I'm slowly learning how to fill my void, with new friends, experiences, and myself. It is definitely a learning process, but it's an essential skill to learn in order to move forward, grow, and thrive.