Making progress is hard.
I'm never going to lie and tell someone it's easy. Making progress, in virtually any aspect of your life is difficult. Making progress on school readings feels as if years have gone by and you've only read one page. Making progress on your physical fitness and appearance takes at least a few months to notice the smallest of aesthetic differences. Trying to make progress on your emotional wellbeing, well, that can take your whole life. It all takes time, and some tasks take much more time than others.
Progress isn't linear. Normally you'll face a few setbacks, some challenges that offset your otherwise positive progress. Today, I feel like I've taken three steps forward and ten steps back. It is so difficult to adjust to no longer having someone in your life, when previously you had spoken to them every day and seen them nearly every other day. Some days you do a better job adjusting than others. Yesterday and today were not those days. The past two days have been a string of disappointments, of moments that felt like personal failures - though in retrospect much of it was out of my control. During those difficult times, I used to lean on my ex for support and comfort. He'd reassure me with a few words, give me a big hug, and kiss my forehead. All would feel right in my world. I no longer have that. Having to deal with problems and not having him to turn to set me back a few steps, though this is not to discredit everyone in my wonderful support network. I began the process of asking "Why?" again. Why did this have to happen? Why me? Why didn't he actually talk to me before doing it? Why won't we get to have forever? So many questions, and only silence for the answers.
When I get set back on the progress I've made, I feel as if I'm failing. I need to change that mindset. It becomes so easy to set a goal, and when we don't reach it immediately, we feel as if we have failed. We haven't. We haven't failed at all, we're just making progress - some of it forward and some of it backward. I want to be happy, to thrive independently of my ended relationship, to relinquish my desperate need to control things I have no right in controlling, and to be okay. However, to do accomplish these goals I have to learn to accept my steps backward, but realize there are still many more steps forward that I can take. You may stumble backward momentarily, but eventually you regain your balance, and continue on. Right now I'm a little wobbly, but I'm sure with time, self-love, friendship, perseverance, and doing what's best for me I'll regain my balance.
Progress isn't linear. Normally you'll face a few setbacks, some challenges that offset your otherwise positive progress. Today, I feel like I've taken three steps forward and ten steps back. It is so difficult to adjust to no longer having someone in your life, when previously you had spoken to them every day and seen them nearly every other day. Some days you do a better job adjusting than others. Yesterday and today were not those days. The past two days have been a string of disappointments, of moments that felt like personal failures - though in retrospect much of it was out of my control. During those difficult times, I used to lean on my ex for support and comfort. He'd reassure me with a few words, give me a big hug, and kiss my forehead. All would feel right in my world. I no longer have that. Having to deal with problems and not having him to turn to set me back a few steps, though this is not to discredit everyone in my wonderful support network. I began the process of asking "Why?" again. Why did this have to happen? Why me? Why didn't he actually talk to me before doing it? Why won't we get to have forever? So many questions, and only silence for the answers.
When I get set back on the progress I've made, I feel as if I'm failing. I need to change that mindset. It becomes so easy to set a goal, and when we don't reach it immediately, we feel as if we have failed. We haven't. We haven't failed at all, we're just making progress - some of it forward and some of it backward. I want to be happy, to thrive independently of my ended relationship, to relinquish my desperate need to control things I have no right in controlling, and to be okay. However, to do accomplish these goals I have to learn to accept my steps backward, but realize there are still many more steps forward that I can take. You may stumble backward momentarily, but eventually you regain your balance, and continue on. Right now I'm a little wobbly, but I'm sure with time, self-love, friendship, perseverance, and doing what's best for me I'll regain my balance.